Ordinary Avengers
by lighthouse11
Summary: A collection of one-shot parodies, poems and rhymes featuring Earth's Mightiest Heroes. Nothing heavy or dark, just a bit of fun. 2. An Avengers team featuring Hawkeye, Winter Soldier and Daredevil. What could go wrong? As it turns out, quite a lot.
1. Ok, so this sounds bad

**A/N:** Some Avengers poems, because why not? Relationships are as they are in the comics (at least before Secret Wars). Kate/Natasha/Bobbi/Clint is all platonic. Favourites, follows and comments are all very much appreciated. If you have any questions, just ask :) I am also publishing this on AO3 and Wattpad.

Marvel own all these characters, etc, general disclaimer.

Enjoy!

* * *

Kate heard a noise,  
someone was moaning.  
She knew that voice;  
Clint Barton was groaning.

She put down her book  
and walked out of her room,  
stepping over the dog,  
out into the gloom.

Clint's door was shut;  
Lucky followed Kate close.  
Kate opened the door,  
And Lucky pushed in with his nose.

"Clint, are you awake?  
And are you ok?  
You're making weird noises,  
Clint, you listening? Hey?"

Kate turned on the light,  
And saw Clint curled on the bed,  
Knees pulled to his chest,  
And eyes filled with dread.

"Kate I'm not well,  
I think something's the matter.  
I need a doctor,  
And please call Natasha."

Kate found her phone.  
"Nat? Hi, it's Kate.  
We've got a problem,  
Yeah I know it's late.

Clint's real unwell,  
We need you here quick."  
"I'm on my way, Kate,  
I'll be there in a tick."

Kate grabbed her jacket  
And pulled on her shoes.  
She paced as she waited  
And Clint tried to snooze.

Nat soon arrived,  
Clint's fever was increasing.  
"Nat you gotta help,  
This pain is unceasing."

"Clint, I'm not a doctor,  
And Kate's not a nurse.  
But before you feel better,  
You'll likely get worse.

I know that you're nauseous,  
And you're in pain,  
Plus you look bloody awful,  
So we know it's not feigned."

They helped Clint out of bed,  
Then walked down to the car.  
Kate Bishop felt thankful  
The hospital was not too far.

They got to the ER,  
And helped Clint inside.  
Triage admitted him;  
Nat and Kate stayed by his bedside.

The doctor appeared,  
And flicked through Clint's history.  
"How this man's still alive's  
Something of a mystery."

"Doctor we know,  
Clint's a disaster,  
But what can we do,  
To make this go faster?"

"Tick the box here,  
And sign under there.  
You're the wife and the sister  
At a guess, is that fair?"

"You've got to be kidding!"  
Kate said in a huff.  
Natasha rolled her eyes.  
"Who cares 'bout that stuff?

Doctor just tell us,  
What's wrong with Barton?  
He's just a good friend,  
And Bishop begs pardon."

"It's all very textbook,"  
The doctor did say,  
"Appendicitis,  
I see it every day."

"So you can fix him?"  
"We'll operate soon.  
If you ladies would please,  
Go to the waiting room?"

Kate and Natasha  
Went and took a seat.  
But as soon as they were down,  
Nat was back on her feet.

"I'll be back in a minute,  
I better call Bobbi.  
Telling her Clint's in hospital's  
Something of a hobby."

Bobbi arrived in the ER  
About one hour later,  
Dressed to the nines;  
Kate knew why Clint would date her.

"God, Clint is hopeless,  
It's like we're all is mommas.  
And we're divorced!  
And why's Kate in pyjamas?"

Bobbi looked perfect,  
And Kate felt quite silly,  
In her checked PJ pants,  
"Well at least I'm not chilly,"

Kate sighed and continued,  
"I should have known.  
We'd been training all day,  
But when we got home,

Clint looked out of sorts.  
I should've guessed something was up.  
He didn't eat dinner,  
And just stared at his cup."

"Kate it's hardly your fault,"  
Bobbi said sitting down,  
"Clint's a big boy,  
Though something of a clown."

Nat smiled gently,  
"Kate don't worry awfully,  
Clint's in good hands now, and  
I'm gunna go get us coffee."

They sat and they waited  
Until the doctor returned.  
"Clint will now sleep it off now,  
So don't look so concerned."

"Well that's a relief,"  
Bobbi said gladly,  
"Knowing Clint as we do,  
This could have gone badly."

Nat dropped Kate home.  
Kate gave Lucky a pat.  
"We're fortunate you know,  
to have Bobbi and Nat."

Lucky gave Kate  
A nuzzle with his head.  
"You right, Pizza Dog,  
It's past time for bed."

Kate up and dressed,  
First thing in the morning.  
And caught the subway  
As the day was dawning.

The nurse gave directions  
for Kate to Clint's ward.  
"You're here very early,"  
"Well, yeah, he gets bored."

Kate wound her way  
Through the hospital floors.  
Up stairs and round corners,  
Then through double doors.

"Good morning, Clint."  
"Oh hey, Kate, hello.  
Guess what I had for breakfast?  
Ice-cream and jello."

Clint smiled broadly,  
And Kate rolled her eyes.  
Somehow in life's raffle,  
She'd got Clint as a prize.

"And I should probably say,  
Thanks for last night,"  
Clint said, "I felt really bad,  
And gave myself quite a fright.

But I know I'm alright,  
If I've got you, Hawkeye."  
"Oh, don't get all soppy,  
Clint Barton, Hawkguy."

Clint gave a smile,  
and Kate smiled back.  
Then the door once more opened,  
and entered Bobbi and Nat.

Bobbi carried balloons  
And Nat had the flowers.  
"For our favourite hero,  
without special powers."

"Clint you might drive us nuts,  
But we're always here,  
If you're in trouble,  
You don't have to fear."

"You've got all us girls  
To clean up your mess."  
"And we can do it  
In high heels and in a dress."

"Aww, you guys are the greatest,  
What can I say?  
We're not cosmic-powered,  
But still save the day."

"Clint you're a dummy,  
Now you need to get rest.  
But just remember,  
Your team is the best."


	2. Everything is terrible

**A/N:** An Avengers team featuring Hawkeye, Winter Soldier and Daredevil. What could go wrong? As it turns out, quite a lot. Clint calls Kate Bishop to come and help them out.

* * *

"Hi, Kate?

I need you to pick up the phone.  
We need someone to bring us home.  
I don't think that we can wait too long,  
Quite a lot's gone awful wrong.  
The three of us got out alive,  
But none of us are fit to drive.  
Just so you know I'm on loud-speaker,  
And the weather's looking bleaker.

Please Kate, pick up the phone.

The job, you know, was straight forward,  
But it became quite untoward.  
We got jumped and I got hit,  
I'm not sure what happened for a bit.  
Anyhow, I've wrecked my hearing aids,  
So Barnes and I are playing charades.  
Plus Bucky's hurt his metal arm,  
He's got tingles from shoulder to palm.

Come on, Kate. Answer the phone.

So Bucky's in a lot of pain,  
Oh yeah, and Matt's been shot again.  
It's nothing bad; we've stopped the bleeding,  
But it's a bit of help we're here needing.  
Still we got the bad guys in a heap,  
For the cops to come and keep.  
At least we got that part done right,  
Although this job's been quite a fright.

Please Kate, look at your phone.

My body aches and I feel old.  
Plus it's getting really cold.  
This is not terrific for the ego,  
We look like some dumb forgotten trio.  
Wait, Bucky's got someone on line,  
Looks like we might just be fine.  
I think Natasha's on the way,  
Buck's giving the sign we'll be ok,

Please Kate,"

" _Hello? Clint?"_ The screen on Clint's phone changed from the message bank to accepted call.

"Aww, Kate."


End file.
